Thursday January 6th 8:58am Who said it would be this way? You can change 7:07pm
Today is a day of nu haven. You’d be suprised how much appears when you have your eyes closed. It already happened. Do you hear me ? It already happened. Omelete, toast, link. This is the day when and where all things meet. If you would allow yourself to be filled with faith and belief- you would (inner)know(ing) all things come to meet- all things come together someday. Turning it over to God at this time- at all times is a revolutionary act. When you meet your maker.. you cannot have on a mask.
You can ultimately want one thing and wholeheartedly be calling for another thing. There are some things that I wish on a surface level that I wish I never met. That I wish I never had and deep down I know.. No one is as rich as me. My experiences; they are all delicacies.
& Well I just wouldn’t be the same if I hadn’t ran into those things. What’s left of me.. what’s dead to me.. and whats ressurecting in me. All is the truth. Curiosity, discovery these are not single things that we should label “well once in my youth”
I’m a curious one.
So ima get to the bottom of it.
With a quench for adventure and discovery. Who would’ve known my own backyard has so much discoveries. I remember alot of things that I did growing up.. I remember a lot of the lives that I lived now.
No shame in coming out.
I can say today and really mean it when I say that these experiences are no longer heavily weighed on me. And I really , really, really would’nt have it any other way. I’ve been wanting to be by myself to reconnect with myself more than ever these days. Reaching memories I’ve kept hidden away. Now I observe them.
I feel people watching me . While i’m discovering me.
This time around that won’t hault me; it’s gonna take a lot more than that to stop me. Appreciating my roots and still acknowledging that I want more for myself. That I’m worthy of that. Worthy of change.. That stability is in the changes and not the stagnency; that’s the best I can do these days… The best that I’ve got is to seek stability in the change.
To rectify the peace in me, to let all things be. & lay them burdens to rest.
Release myself of it and go to bed.
Cause the only thing I can change is me. & no one is responsible for that. But yet, everything is an essential part in the stirrings happening inside of me.
Lately I feel like im in front of a screen watching the phases of my life come and go. Standing in front of the screen that’s as wide as the wall. a projector screeing on the wall it’s on. Flash by like scenes. Almost like I can change everything I percieved by being true to me. I’ve let my insecurites have their way going against my own true heart and happiness long enough. Let it be known that everything that happens now is not merely by a stroke of luck.
It is what is was. And was what it be. Don’t hold me to nothing.
Accept that if i’m coming i’m coming as me.
Sincerely,
me.
7:00pm
