SPEACIAL care. 4/6/22
I am experiecing happiness living in joy and a witness to sadness slipping away from me. And I don’t care I’ll cry about it I’ll type about it till there is no liquid to conjure up a memory from what was. No more time hopping just to create loops, we’re breaking free.
Breaking away with the possibility knowing that breaking this breaks me. Shaking. Stomping. Feet on the ground each stomp is a scream demanding to be heard. Stomping the ground opening sounds to demand the truth to unearth itself. This is what I once called a solid foundation and now it is just sand amongst the sea.
What was and will no longer exist structure humbled down to sedminents washed up by the sea. That is the universe that is me.
I guess what’s different now and what you all so obviously have figured out is that it is not in my nature to be stagnant. Flowing in peace and a mysterious moment away from a rage.
I am everything.
and over all no thing
and no circumstance could possibly erase the purpose and the presence deep within me.
I am the sea. I am water in baren dry land.
I am the reason why the earth quakes
I am the magna cooling while blazing hot
I am so much — I could never be put in a box
and to think I was begging for forgiveness from everyone accept myself. Crying out for acceptance when there was so much room to accept myself… I wasnt aware .. I didnt allow myself to feel true and whole presence in its subtley sensitvitiy and all encompassing love. That when I am with myself I feel so filled up
That I feel complete happiness experience sadness all in the same time.. That I live in joy yet guilt ever so often comes knocking at my door. For finding my own way. For accepting my own self and leaving everyone else. The shame.. if I let guilt in soon Shame will come along saying that Guilt sent over an invite. And there are certain things that I refuse to let claim a space in my home . When truthfully all of this shit has to go.
I am sure if you did a bodyscan of someone who has lost loved ones and examined my body we would have uncanny simulartites and then check a week or 2 later I would be indentical to the spirit of a new born- Cause when the growth is growing through the cracks I let it break the cast in half..
Till a nu me emerges..
through the cracks.. look at that
Sundu Yama-Korro
