Sarah’s Short Stories Pt (1/3) //Sarah’s Monologues
maybe nobody knows… I like to believe we do it all for the love though
whether it’s twisted or convicted I think every motive each one of us has is love. Whether all of us is capable of it or not.
I like to believe we all try.
SARAH
I love boogie , and I know Boogie love me. But at times I have this washing machine thought that he only loves me in his own capacity. His version of love is care. I know he care for me and I do to.
But I love him, maybe not how he can love me but I love him.
He cares for me in ways that no one has. Dependable and exceptional to us. We so regular and far from it all in one. He makes sure that I feel good about myself even on days when it’s hard to pick myself up he be there for me. Before I can think about lifting a finger it’s magically already prepared for me.
He works with me so I can work on myself. We love our son so much.
When he was born I swear the sun came out. A fircracker that’s gentle and fair. Troy is just.
Just like his Daddy. Is there a better one when Damais has always been the only one ? Me and Damais found each other over and over again. I would be with my girls chillin at the shake shack and he would always be eyeing with his boys. In church he would make sure to sit behind me. Like he didn’t want to get in the way of me and God’s connection.
One day I had lost it- the sermon was so good I felt his supporting hands on my back. And if I could describe me and Damais it’d be through that picture frame. Supportive and wouldn’t dare get in the way. I always felt him eyeing me before we even spoke a word I felt like we were speaking on a real intergalactic level you know?
On my way to the movies I would feel him walking with me and this boy never spoke a word to me but that’s how it felt. I liked to spend a lot of time alone but I’d feel his spirit come and visit me
and I, would never mind. And I never felt crazy I didn’t have to imagine the connection you know. Before any of us knew it was already happening. I would go to the movies every Saturday evening and would have debates about what the flick meant, what parts stood out to me to him, and what’s the point of making a movie like this — what was the film trying to communicate to us.
And actually one of the days he came knocking on my door. My Dad had answered ; Damias asked if he could take me out to the movies.. ofcourse my dad said I had already been he aint think anybody was good enough for me to dabble with my future; I came from behind the door and said “YES!”.. A little too loud and a lot very proud.
I always knew that man was going to be my man.
Why I didn’t make the first move? In plenty of ways he was telling me to take care of myself first. I feel like he must’ve been eyeing me ;watching me to see how I care for myself so he knew how to care for me.
He’s not the rushing type — toothpick in his mouth soft juicy lips- me in my own world walking across the pavement cd headphones on my head. I knew. He knew what he wanted. & if you already got it there’s no need to force.
Nah- Damais was the king of flow by the way he walks you could just tell the trees lean to him and the cracks in the pavement glaze over so he can glide.
Boogie. Lookin like he dancing the way he walk.
And me? I love a groovy nigga and this man this man was just that.
Did it drive me crazy that it took him two years to approach me ? No ( laughs) I feel like our love story started way before he introduced himself to me.
I’m a firm believer that when you lock eyes with someone you’re connected with each another for forever, and boyyyyyy did we love staring at each other. Holding on to that forever.
Anytime we saw each other it was this intense love affair stare .. I like to think we both knew the right time would present itself to us. And there’s no need to rush a Good thing.
I was working on a book and guys were the least of my worries- though they visited the back of my mind from time to time I always had my eyes on the prize
“Finish School and Finish the book”
I remember when I left out the house for our first date and first time officially exchanging names I had left out with my notebook
“ what’s that you carry all around for “
I’m a writer I’d say filled with hope and a tad bit of insecurity. Nobody had ever asked me they just assumed I was scholarly and that was never me — at least not in a school way. I like to learn about life — master my surroundings and I can master anything that’s how I felt so that’s how I maneuvered
“Oh yeah , what you like to write about Mrs. Poet?”
He knew before I knew. I thought up until then that I had just been a writer writing stories… but when he had asked me it took me back to a time where we were in Church & I was writing in this very same notebook; it made me think how he could’ve.. most definitely watched me write in the pew behind me.
Nothing missed him.
Coming back to realtity stuttering over the poet comment. “ I like to write about what I see what Im shown, what I imagine, my dreams..” I would tell him in this life I would feel like I was within and without quoting ‘The Great Gatsby’
and before I could explain
He got to staring again.. ok okay we got to staring again.
“I know what you mean.”
staring at one another underneath the street light
he cleared his throat stepped closer and said softly
“I know… what you mean”
and he could’ve explained to me how he knew but baby we both knew that we knew we weren’t bullshitting
he was so observant just like how I was within and without.
I know what he meant.
He grabbed my hands said he wanted to hear me better without all the cars racing by and we ended up in an alley. Leaning against the brick wall and him pacing back and forth..
whatever was going through his head- I was letting him have his moment.
forget the movies.
We got each other like that
stops in his track he pushes up against me — gently “lemme hear something”
almost like whatever I was gonna say was going to confirm something in his head
I smile nervously and aroused cause I write to bare the bone down to the soul ; and whatever I was to share with him he was gonna find me out
Didn't matter which one I picked out
